Hello world!

My god, this is July already! I cannot believe half of 2015 is already behind me.

I’m not sure if this is my 5th or 6th blog, but what I am sure about is this one will be way more interesting than the previous ones, because now I have something to say.

It’s not like I have an agenda with this blog, it’s more like I have a life now. An actual life, that I have to plan out with my hubby, try very hard to make it head towards the right direction, and worry about money. We don’t have a kid yet, so that’s one less thing for us to worry about.

I guess what I am hoping to get out of this blog is to understand how I feel about my life now. So, yeah, here is the thing. I’m not sure how I feel about my life right now. There, I said it.

I’ve always wanted to be a home-maker when I was still in uni. I thought I would marry someone, not necessarily someone I love, and then we would live together and call it marriage. Not very optimistic I was. But life surprised me with my amazing hubby, who is so kind, generous, and just wonderful. I cannot describe how grateful I am to have him in my life. Because of him, I am becoming a better person every day.

After I permanently moved to T-town last June, I became the home-maker I am because of my visa restrictions. On top of that, I was really not in the mood for job hunting. Eventually, life starts to calm down, and now I am a volunteer Japanese tutor at UA and I tutor family friend’s children Chinese a couple of time a week. And my hubby has never pushed me into anything, “as long as you are happy” he says.

But I don’t think I am entirely happy. And I don’t know why.

Maybe I still want a paid position? We can use more income to pay the bills, and start saving for the future. We will have kids, and we want to buy a house, a second car for me, and go traveling (Japan would be nice). I feel like I wasted so much money when I was in Melbourne. If only I could foresee the future. J said it would only be the first couple of years, and then we will be back on track. I know he is right, and I mean we are already doing so much better than three months ago! But we can do better if I could find a position that sponsors my work visa.

I feel this urge for “more” in our life. We can have more income, J can finish his degree sooner, we can have a baby sooner. Does this urge make me a control freak? I feel like I am becoming one.

Yesterday I had an interview with the language department for the Chinese instructor position. Somehow I keep feeling I was only called to the interview to make the hiring process looks legitimate. I mean, they knew before hand that I would need a H1B to take this position, but this is a full-time contract position, which indicate the impossibility of visa sponsorship. And the person who has the position for now was also interviewed, and she won’t be needing any visa sponsorship until the end of the year. So what is this? I am really confused. Although it is nice to give them a taste of what they cannot get. I have that satisfaction, and yes, I am that good. By the way, I should probably email the chair to give her a final nudge.

Maybe I am just bored being alone in the apartment for so long. After venting this long I already feel so much better. I have to point out that I am not always like this! I have my good days, and today is just not that good. I didn’t sleep well, and it’s very cloudy outside. Feels like there is a storm coming.


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