Great News!

Hi world!

It’s been a while since my last post. A lot have happened during this period of time.

First of all, we moved.

Second of all, we got pregnant!

J and I both feel we are very lucky. The timing of the move could not be better for us, because later it turned out that we got pregnant right after the move. If the move had been delayed for another week or two, there would be no way for me to perform at all when I was surrounded by early pregnancy symptoms. We wanted to move because we have been wanting to start our family, and it was only the second month since we started trying! We both believe that the heavy work out we got from moving by ourselves definitely helped the conception. We were feeling very energetic during those several days, and maybe that gave us a better chance.

Now, we are at 12 weeks 4 days. My first trimester is almost finished. I couldn’t be happier. Well, maybe I can, when I finally get to hold our tater tot in my arms. Here is a list of all the symptoms I had during my first trimester:

Light to dark brown spotting from Week 5-8

Headache

Food aversion

Backache

Sleepiness

Tiredness

Mild nausea

Morning sickness from Week 11-12 when I wake up in the morning

Among all these symptoms I was able to maintain my weight at 110lbs.

Now towards the end of my first trimester, I am feeling much better. Most of those symptoms have gone, and I am left with a very good appetite and a lot of different cravings, which make me miss Melbourne like crazy. I don’t even miss my hometown food, but all the good places I could go to in Melbourne just hurt me when I think about them. But hey, I am here for my family. So as long as J and I are still here, everything is worthwhile.

We also had our first ultrasound and OB visit in August. It went well. Ultrasound showed tater tot at 2.8cm, and picked up his heartbeat at around 180 per minute. My OB is a recommendation from the B family and she is very good. Personable and approachable. On top of that, she also speaks Chinese!!!!! OMG! While language is no longer a barrier for J and I after living in English-speaking countries for more than 8 years, very specific medical terms can still be challenging. So, having a doctor who can speak our first language definitely helps us with understanding EVERYTHING that is going on with tater tot. And I am so happy about it!

By the way, new semester has started, and I started teaching again. I’m pretty happy about that too. After all, it is my profession, even though I am not getting paid for, I am still more than happy to practice it. And I am helping students at the same time. These efforts may all lead to something in the future. Who knows.

Ok world, time for me to pack up and go home. I will come back soon to tell you more about our little growing family! Cheers!

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We are moving!

Hey world.

It’s me here again. Not to vent this time šŸ™‚

We are moving at the end of this week. I’ve been so busy packing up lately that I almost did nothing else apart from cooking, cleaning, laundry, and finishing my small knitting project. I am completely wore out at the end of each day, which helped my sleeping tremendously.

I’m quite excited about the new apartment! Not only will there be 2 bedrooms this time, the room for me to work creatively will also be doubled! I’ve been on Pinterest almost everyday recently, because we will have a small kitchen in the new bedroom. It’s very interesting for them to design the floor this way because you think a two bedroom will accommodate more people than a one bedroom, so there should beĀ a bigger kitchen. But no. Oh well, I will just have to figure this out on my own, and I’m stoked about it!!!!

As I move every time, I realize how much unnecessary shit I, well in this case we, have bought. Are we possessive? Why do we need so much stuff? I cannot deny the pleasure I feel from having things. But is it wrong? I don’t know. Until I figure it out, I will stay put.

Another rainy 4th of July

This is my second Independence Day here in T-town. And it is just as rainy as last year’s.

Last year, J and I were recovering from the trauma of my mom’s dramatic visit. We were invited by our dear friend B-bear to his place for 4th of July dinner. That was the first time I told anyone about what happened during my mom’s visit. And of course, I did not mean to, but as insightful as B-bear is, my cover-story did not pull it off. He gave me some pretty good advice, and during the conversation with him, I found myself become very objective about things happened between my mom and the reasons to why they happened. Now, a year has past, I feel like I am doing better than I was, although the progress is not remarkable, but it is there.

This year, we are dealing with the advisor-crisis. Let me just start with saying J’s PhD advisor is a difficult guy, and that is probably the nicest thing I can say about him. I have never known anyone who is more unworthy of the title “Professor”. Google defined the word “professor” as “a teacher of the highest rank in a college or university”. So no matter how advanced one is academically, when he is a professor, he is first and foremost a teacher. And a teacher is somebody who teaches and there is a whole lot of moral responsibilities attached with that job profession. J’s advisor does not teach and he does not care. All he does is exploiting his students, and of course, for his own good. As a teacher myself, I cannot disagree more with what he does as a teacher, and I believe it is people like him that make people think teacher poorly as a profession. And when you have somebody like that in your academic life, it is hell.

J has been working for his PhD degree for a full seven-year now. And it is still not finished. I have to admit his professor and J are both responsible. But if only he were a little bit more supportive than he always has been, J would have graduated already. I have learnt early since I started dating J that his advisor is a selfish prick. But what he did recently is just unbelievable. How could anyone tell his student he will not be having time to read several pages of his student’s work in the coming 25 days? Oh yes, he said t-w-e-n-t-y-f-i-v-e days. Especially when his student is rolling off credits to get an extension with the graduate school and hanging on a thread hoping to graduate in September??? He is the one who has the final say of whatever J writes. It’s not like we are asking him to read something J wrote for fun. It is his dissertation for crying out loud!! And while he won’t be having any time to read these pages in the coming 25 days, he will be busy traveling Europe with his family. I understand how difficult it must be traveling with his all-happy-about-life wife and two very obedient sons for 25 days in beautiful Europe, but he can’t squeeze out twenty minutes to read J’s writing? I am calling it total BS. He just doesn’t want to! What is the worst thing that can happen if J does not make itĀ in September, huh? Well, J won’t be having more credits to roll off and will lose his PhD degree which he worked for the past seven and a half goddamn years. I am so crossed.

After the initial anger, I had an emotional break down in front of J. I felt like a failure. In Chinese culture, theĀ success of being a woman is usually reflected as her husband’s achievements. And I had a feeling that I am failing J for not being able to help him graduate. I felt hollow inside. I am already a trophy wife, and now I cannot even help my husband. I watch him getting bullied by this awful advisor, and there is nothing I can do. I hate it. I hate the fact of me being incapable.

As always, J calmed me down with his gentle words and kisses. I felt a bit better after the toxic emotions washed out by tears. I started to prepare for dinner as a way to channel my energy. Shar and Big-P, our wonderful neighbors, invited us over for dinner right before the dishes were done. We gladly went and brought the baked summer squash and tomato, and the steamed eggs. They made hot dogs, burgers, and apple pie. I ate the most among the four of us. I had 2 hot dogs, 1 burger, and 1.5 slices of apple pie. This is a new record for me.

At the end, 4th of July turned out to be fine. I enjoyed the company of our great neighbors. J’s once again proved himself with his big heart. I wish one day I could be like him, and I am just so happy to have him in my life.

Hello world!

My god, this is July already! I cannot believe half of 2015 is already behind me.

I’m not sure if this is my 5th or 6th blog, but what I am sure about is this one will be way more interesting than the previous ones, because now I have something to say.

It’s not like I have an agenda with this blog, it’s more like I have a life now. An actual life, that I have to plan out with my hubby, try very hard to make it head towards the right direction, and worry about money. We don’t have a kid yet, so that’s one less thing for us to worry about.

I guess what I am hoping to get out of this blog is to understand how I feel about my life now. So, yeah, here is the thing. I’m not sure how I feel about my life right now. There, I said it.

I’ve always wanted to be a home-maker when I was still in uni. I thought I would marry someone, not necessarily someone I love, and then we would live together and call it marriage. Not very optimistic I was. But life surprised me with my amazing hubby, who is so kind, generous, and just wonderful. I cannot describe how grateful I am to have him in my life. Because of him, I am becomingĀ a better person every day.

After I permanently moved to T-town last June, I became the home-maker I am because of my visa restrictions. On top of that, I was really not in the mood for job hunting. Eventually, life starts to calm down, and now I am a volunteer Japanese tutor at UA and I tutor family friend’s children Chinese a couple of time a week. And my hubby has never pushed me into anything, “as long as you are happy” he says.

But I don’t think I am entirely happy. And I don’t know why.

Maybe I still want a paid position? We can use more income to pay the bills, and start saving for the future. We will have kids, and we want to buy a house, a second car for me, and go traveling (Japan would be nice). I feel like I wasted so much money when I was in Melbourne. If only I could foresee the future. J said it would only be the first couple of years, and then we will be back on track. I know he is right, and I mean we are already doing so much better than three months ago! But we can do better if I could find a position that sponsors my work visa.

I feel this urge for “more” in our life. We can have more income, J can finish his degree sooner, we can have a baby sooner. Does this urge make me a control freak? I feel like I am becoming one.

Yesterday I had an interview with the language department for the Chinese instructor position. Somehow I keep feeling I was only called to the interview to make the hiring process looks legitimate. I mean, they knew before hand that I would need a H1B to take this position, but this is a full-time contract position, which indicate the impossibility of visa sponsorship. And the person who has the position for now was also interviewed, and she won’t be needing any visa sponsorship until the end of the year. So what is this? I am really confused. Although it is nice to give them a taste of what they cannot get. I have that satisfaction, and yes, I am that good. By the way, I should probably email the chair to give her a final nudge.

Maybe I am just bored being alone in the apartment for so long. After venting this long I already feel so much better. I have to point out that I am not always like this! I have my good days, and today is just not that good. I didn’t sleep well, and it’s very cloudy outside. Feels like there is a storm coming.